While I really enjoyed my day yesterday, and got home WAY too late, my dear departing friend slammed me hard - she painted some henna on my upper sternum (it peeks out of my sundress!), and then did some tarot for me, and WHAM - told me that trying to get pregnant is hurting my body and soul, and I should quit it, and mother my art, my students, and the children of the world instead. She was vehement, and almost angry about it.
I read tarot too, and I work very hard to present my interpretations as possibilities up for consideration, not dictates from anyone or anything. She said that she has wanted to give me this message for a long time, but wouldn't have had the guts if the cards hadn't pushed her to do so. I know that she spoke/read out of love for me, and out of a sincere desire to help me to be happy and fulfilled. She spent half of her time telling me that she knew that I wouldn't heed a darned thing she was saying, and she was right. I'm glad that she could speak to me of her truth, but her's is not mine.
One outgrowth of this though, is that I had never really considered living childfree; I had always assumed that I would adopt or foster or *something* to create our family. I keep seeing that so many of our best and most prolific artists live this way (and that many have kids too), and think about how much time and energy I have for my work now.
I use the cards as pictures on cardboard that let me look at a situation from different angles. When I do a reading for another, I am just the linguist - I suggest possible meanings for a given set of symbols, and ask if those 'resonate' with the person's understanding of their path. I don't ask if they 'understand me' but more 'does this clarify your understanding of yourself?' When a reading is done, if the person asks me for advice, I try to share of myself and my experience with the person, but, unless the person is a darned good friend, I don't presume to tell them what I think they should do, and then only if we have that kind of friendship, which Sherry and I do.
She said that the reading that I did for her (how we met many years ago) was full of hard truths, and that this reading she did for me brought it all full circle; that she and I are opposite sides of the same coin in many ways. That said, I understand that part of her, no matter how much she loves her kids, is bitter over how much of her life they have dominated. Her feelings are valid, if painful, but don't acknowledge how much one can long for a child, and the bitter nature of empty arms, even in a full studio...
Yikes. Sounds like you have to distance yourself from your friends's reading (and her projections of her own issues) and think about how YOU feel. As one who has coped with infertility, watched friends of mine get pregnant so easily and even terminate a pregnancy or two, and experienced a few different adoption processes before one brought out daughter to us, I say this: Listen to your heart. Talk to your partner. Only you know what your dream is, and it doesn't matter if that dream didn't make someone else happy. You're the only one who knows what the right family is for you. I feel for you, Susan.
ReplyDeleteOuch! She is fortunate that you are an understanding woman... but I suspect her reference to "bringing it all to full circle" was topmost in her mind - from a tit-for-tat position. Not much of a friend in that case.
ReplyDeleteRe: Pregnancy/Generativity - in watching those who desperately struggle to achieve pregnacy, it seems as though the desire itself gets in the way by putting too much stress on the physical act by way of perfect timing, etc. A midwife friend of mine just wrote her MA thesis on a program she designed for couples to achieve pregnancy using holistic health modalities including acupuncture, Chi Gong, etc. - almost all of which was for stress reduction. She has assisted many couples in achieving successful pregnacies, most of whom were maxed out (in any way you choose to see that) by Western medicines approach.
I offer this information as a gift to be used or tossed as you choose. You + your DH will know what is best for both of you. Trust yourselves before trusting anyone else - no matter who they are! Especially including me, a perfect stranger...
Blessings, Pat
Believe me, Pat, we use lots of guided visualization and relaxation techniques too! We are confident that we will get there, but there *are* some undeniable stresses in the money, the injections, the timing etc that just can't be gotten around.
ReplyDeleteI *know* that I have neuroendocrine problems, so I *know* that I need supplementary medication (bad brain infection in the 90's), but I also use massage, yoga, meditation, light therapy, FMT (funny movie therapy) and, obviously, art therapy! Kevin and I are looking into taking Tai Chi Chaun together too...
I think it is all a matter of balance. One of my personal mottos for life is to 'take oneself serious, but only as seriously as necessary, and no more than that!' It goes a LONG way!!!
Grain of salt. That's what I'd take the reading as. Sometimes the feelings and subjectivity of our friends can be detrimental.
ReplyDeleteYou know what is best for you and your husband just as much as you know what you really want.