Ugh. I love creating and designing, but the execution phase? Blech. If I leave some real mystery about how the fabrics will play off of each other, I can still get excited about the piece during construction, but otherwise?
I've had the most fun (and have created some of my best work) when I am designing as I go. So why is this so hard for me to actually DO? Hm.... It often feels like as soon as I know how something is going to turn out, I get bored with it. Am I too resistant to change things midstream, or am I just plain lazy, or both?
Laziness is a hard one for me - am I not doing something because my body/mind/spirit aren't in alignment to let me do something due to my Fibromyalgia and other medical issues, or am I just a lazy mooch who wishes someone would throw me a pity party? (Doing it myself would *obviously* be too much like work!)
I have a gorgeous studio with lots of light and space. I have time coming out of my ears. I have supportive husband and parents, and no kids (yet) to distract me. I even have an art school education and an almost-great stash.
Now granted, there are days (more than I'd like) when I am on narcotics, or am otherwise just really having physical, cognitive, or psychological issues (mostly drug and sun deprivation inspired), but what about all of the days in-between when I'm actually doing ok, but still don't do anything BUT feel moderately ok? Hm. I tell myself that I am just pacing so I don't overdo it and land myself back on bedrest, but sometimes I wonder - is that is a reason or an excuse? I have to wonder, since I have *much* less trouble actually DOING things that I am excited about...
Ah well - Progress in a day, not perfection in a hour. Off to clean off my desk.
Susan, I could have written this post! I also have a chronic pain illness similar to fibromyalgia and it is so hard to keep going some days. Some days I do, some days I don't. My advice is to let go of the guilt of not "doing" all the time, it will free you up to enjoy the up times and the down times. Last summer I was in a real down period and found myself basically on bedrest, and resorted to coloring in quilter's coloring books (from mindwareonline.com). Very fun, and at least I got to play with color!
ReplyDeleteDon't you find it amazing that so many quilters have fibro or similar diseases?
Hi Susan, Be easy on yourself. You'll create when you're ready. In the meantime you're doing some of the most important stuff that could change the rest of your life.
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