Truth time

Ok folks - real question here:

How often do you get a given result, and convince yourself (or at least your audience)that you MEANT to get that result, even though if you look at your original design sketches, they really don't look that way???

I'm all for the design leading me, and for going with the torque of a piece, but I'm getting frustrated by having to reconceptualize the piece half way through when it isn't turning out the way that I had originally designed it. I'm getting good at leaving room for this 'planning on the go' kind of thing, but...

I guess my real question is this - does this mean that my technique sucks (and should the traditional quilt precision police get jurisdiction over my art anyway?), or that I am being a control freak, unable to welcome the serendipitous into my work?

Bits of all of the above, probably - I like to work in a relaxed, come-what-will style, and then I get irked when what comes isn't as precise as I want it to be. I need a serious realignment between my process style and my expections of results!!! I'm going to try and lean more towards the freestyle mode, mainly because I do NOT need any more stress in my life! Now if only I can make my happenstance results look polished enough to satisfy my inner perfectionist... Wish me luck!

BTW - started sticking myself with needles again last night. Painful, but good!

SOME work on swoops

Lol. I don't know if my previous analysis of my swoops and spikes piece was accurate or not, but I certainly seem to have internalized it! I got this nasty flu on Thurs night, but Friday day (betas at 4) sent me into the studio to work on it. I moved most of the rays around in the top bit, and pieced them for the last three bits, and decided to applique them with a monofilament blindstitch instead of the turned-under straight stitch approach I had been using, so all of that is out now too (or will be shortly!)

I'm not a big foundation piecer, but trying to remember how to do it with a fever? YIKES! I got my money's worth out of my seam ripper *that* day! I tried to go back in yesterday (Sat was a *complete* washout) but DH saw me swaying in the breeze and lungeing for furniture to hold myself up on and put the kabosh on that idea. No machinery, no sharp objects, no opportunities to burn myself. No fun. I *did* manage to dump the content of my scrap drawer into my Vietnamese rice basket (lovely little indulgence of mine over the winter - $20! Couldn't pass *that* up!!!) and proceeded to sort them by color groups (some by value or theme)to go into baggies. I found some nice subtleties that I didn't know were lurking there, and I think that they might find their way into some postcards as soon as I'm allowed back into my forbidden studio again.

Swoops though? I think it is benched again for a while, since I am NOT! Lo and behold, I got my period on Sat evening (after interspersed fevered sleep and FMT - funny movie therapy - all day), called my Dr, and I leave here in - gosh - 5 minutes to get my baseline work done for this new cycle! I made a bunch of headway on it, but hopefully it will just have to stay up there, unfinished even, until next March! I'm sure that even if this cycle takes though, that there will be days when I am feeling unsure of it all, so it might get some more work done then... but the spike itself might just have to wait!

Double Whammy

My beta HCG is down to 4, so hopefully my period isn't far off. Cramps continue, and my breasts are no longer yelling at me to put my bra on before my undies.

Good news? My Dr says that I do NOT need to skip a cycle before I try again. Hurray! I was benched for most of last summer due to cervical surgery (LEEP), and did NOT want to do that again this year. I mean honestly, who doesn't want to spice up the 'obligatory' aspect of trying to get pregnant with some camping fun? >:)

Sick as a dog with the flu Kevin, my DH, so kindly passed along to me. It might be a blessing that my betas, if they were going to anyway, dropped when they did; Kevin would shoot himself if my fever, courtesy of him, caused problems.

I am *supposed* to be on a medieval reenactment camping trip this weekend, where I was *supposed* to teach spinning, and *hoping* to get rid of a bunch of stuff from my studio a la the 'Clean Sweep' process we are doing slowly but surely. It is raining anyway, but this is the anniversary event of where/when DH and I had lightning strike our friendship and turn it into our partnership only last year. Between rain, his ex-wife, and my flu though, not to mention our continueing miscarriage process, both physical and psychological, I don't really mind not being there! Also, just found out that Open Studios is this weekend, and I'm too sick to go to that either. Bummer!

Ah well - we'll get there. I've been really touched by the comments and support folks have sent my way this week - I had no idea so many people even read this! Thanks SO much. I am an early riser, and DH is not. Having your voices of support at a time of day when I daren't call for fear of waking the world has meant a lot to me these last few days. I appreciate you all!!!!

Alas

My beta HCG dropped, and my pregnancy isn't viable. They need to track my numbers down to zero, then I need to skip a cycle, and then I can start over again.

I guess I'll have lots of time to work on Swoops!

Lo and behold

It looks like I am actually pregnant. It is still VERY early yet, and we'll know better on Wednesday if this is going to work out or not, but, for now at least, here I am! Positive Beta HCG blood test of 27, with a progesterone of 31.5 at 13 days post ovulation (dpo).

Who knew?

False alarm?

So - my 'period' went from barely there to not there at all in 18 hours. I wonder if it could be implantation spotting instead? I did a pregnancy test, which was *very faintly* positive!

So now I don't know what to think. More hurry up and wait, I suppose. Sounds like a day for more ice cream, and maybe some more sewing. Maybe even 'swoops', since I am feeling ambiguous today anyway!

strange humour

So, what is my response to getting my period instead of a positive pregnancy test? I watch 'The Seventh Sign'!! Sigh.

The one redeeming point about this is that I got my period only 12 days after ovulating, which may indicate a luteal phase defect, so hopefully I can get my clinic to 'placate' me by giving me progesterone next time!!!! By such fine threads are great hopes kept in the air...

No quilting today, although I did finish the applique on the animal piece last night. Maybe now I'll get back to work on Swoops? Hm. Anyway - movies, needlepoint and LOTS of Phish food today. So there.

Swoops and Spikes IP

Swoops and Spikes IP,
originally uploaded by Bingham-McLaughlin.

This is the long and narrow challenge piece that I am procrastinating on working on again. I talk about my psychological block behind working on it more in one of my posts from earlier this week, I think. I took out the block that is obviously missing in order to replace it with some plain yellow. I am not happy with the inner arc around the red - it looks too drab to me...

Postcards 1

Postcards 1,
originally uploaded by Bingham-McLaughlin.

I'm in the postcard challenge, and have received the ones on the right from other Art Quilters! Hurray! The ones on the left are ones that I've made, theoretically to send out in response.... but I'm not sure that the flap on Silver Lining (top left) would survive the trip, so... The other one is a study I did for Swoops and Spikes (which WILL get a better name, in due time!)

Farm Animals

Farm Animals,
originally uploaded by Bingham-McLaughlin.

These are the farm animals mentioned in the post below. Gotta love the little beasties kickin' it! I'm going to write appropriate sounds with dye pen for each, and obviously there is LOTS of applique work still to go, but my neck can only take so much at a time! I'm going to enclose each in the same stripey purple, then with the dotted teal, and then see what it tells me to do next to make it snuggle size for the 4 year old it is going to. She was adopted from the Ukraine, and has a purple pig doll that she adores, thereby inspiring this craziness!

Cow closeup

Cow closeup,
originally uploaded by Bingham-McLaughlin.

This is a close-up of the cow face, showing the problem that I am having with the eyes - dye pen Please!!! These are for little kid cuddles, not big art shows, or even adults, so I'm not hugely worried about 'presentation' here - just playing with new ideas and techniques for a cute and overly precocious kid! (She's 4 going on Harvard!)

If this weren't destined for the washing machine, I'd have used monofilament for the eyes (and have saved myself much toing and froing with the backstitch function) but I wasn't sure how it would handle repeated washings, so I opted out. Live and learn - from now on I will draw in the nostrils and irises!!!!

farm animal fiesta

I think I have answered a very important question, ie "at what point is a shape too small to WU and zigzag down with colored thread, even on minimum width"? 1/8 inch by 3/32 of an inch. Too darned small, and my thread pretty much covers the entire piece! Rats! Ah well - fortunately I have a dye marker the same color, so I can fudge it a little.

I also finally used up that dyebath from Beltain (please don't count how many days it sat on my stovetop, ok?), and had limited success. I figured out how to make some different diffusion effects with wax applied and ironed at different temps prior to dyeing, but the greens all pretty much came out the same color, despite leaving some in WAY longer than others. So now I have a large pile of splotchy grey-teal fabric. Hurray! not...

Off to try and post some more pictures here - art postcards that I have made and received, as well as the farm animal quilt (in oh-so-farmy purple, teal and pink!), and my swoops and spikes piece that I have made pathetically little progress on. Ah well. DH is going to an SCA demo to fight today (he'll take any chance he can get to climb into armor) and I'm going to read, sew, watch bad TV, and eat Phish food frozen yogurt. YUM!

Motivacation

I've got calls out to the doctors' offices re my escape with the ER this weekend. I don't know if it is getting better on my left side, or if I'm just getting used to it, but the fingers on my right hand went this morning, so obviously the fun continues.

Made the center panel for the kid's quilt I've been working on, only to discover that it doesn't go (at all!) with the ring of numbers blocks that I spent days appliqueing. Now I'm making four 'center' blocks instead, and am shelving the numbers blocks (and the letters to go with them) for another project for another as-yet-to-be-determined kid. Ah well...

Finally came up with designs for the quilts for my friend's twins that I actually like! I am probably going to need to dye the fabrics for the individualizing bits, and dyeing to a specific color sounds very daunting for a first Procion project! Yikes! Hints would be most welcome!!!! Anyone know where there might be a formula/color chart available on the web???? Yeah, I know - dream on!!!

My swoops and spike piece (the only artsy thing I've even remotely got going atm) has been languishing on the design wall for at least the last month, if not two. The spike represents the problems I've had getting pregnant... I wonder if I don't want to make that block (the next one) for fear of manifesting that block in my current life? Hm. I'm in what is known as the 2ww (two week wait) between ovulation and when one can test for pregnancy. I get to test next Sunday. BTW - no fairsies; I still have ovarian pain on the side of my body where my skin can't feel any but a blessed thing! Narf!

Ah well - off to find pictures of cartoon cows...

ug

Nothing like being in the emergency room until 3:30 AM to make you want to crawl under a blanket and channel-surf your day away. They guess that it is an atypical migraine that I continue to experience, but they called in a neurologist and did an MRI just in case, especially since fertility meds greatly increase the chance of a stroke... My whole left side feel sort of like that numb feeling you get on a really cold day, or like when you first take spandex off and you just don't feel things as well... skull to toe on the left side, more in some spots than others, and some cross-over to my right side, especially in my face. The wierdest thing? I took a shower last night right before we headed to the ER, and when I got out, I was only cold on one side... VERY surreal. Anyway, they aren't sure that is what it is, or how long it will last, or if I'll get a massive regular migraine when it goes. Basically they just know what it isn't. Ug. Where's my remote?

Actually did some sewing!

After spending most of the night and morning with my pelvis elevated to let gravity get to work, and many oxycodone later, I actually did some sewing today! It is hot, and GREEN outside, and I got tired of looking at the same UFO on my sewing machine, so I finished the block. Now I just need a good picture of a pig. Yup - I'm doing a kids quilt with a purple pig as the main motif. Joy.

Anyway, this recent sewing hiatus is pretty standard for me - I don't adjust to new seasons easily, and usally have to spend some time taking things in before I can creatively put them out again, even if it is a design already in progress that just needs assembling... So now that Mud Season is over, and my bleeding hearts are blooming, I can get back to work!

BTW - all the babies are home, safe and sound. :) Paley made my day yesterday, when she called to tell me that her newborn son had spent his first night at home underneath the quilt that I made for him. Yes, I know that babies that can't roll away from a suffocating object shouldn't be put to bed with one, but a) not my call to make, and b) I made it super stiff so that it will not collapse against one's mouth when one inhales. Should be just as safe as his bed sheet, but I wouldn't put my newborn under one his first night home regardless! Ah well - she objected to my carrying him in a football carry, and that is her call to make too - her kid. BUT, the next one is OURS!!!! So there! (fingers crossed to the millionth power!!!)

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all!!!

I get to see Paley again before she goes home today with husband and babe, I get to go to the dedication of my friend Tra's girls at the UU, and I get to do my trigger shot TODAY too! And, it is the one year anny of my husband Kevin and I meeting.

Good day!

Pamdora's grandma and Close Call

I just read that Pam's grandmother died last Sunday, and blogger won't let me post a comment so hopefully she'll read it here - I am so sorry. I lost my gran in February, so I can relate. Perhaps if there is a place after this one, they will meet up and knit together; I'm sure that both of our Grans will make lots of friends there! Anyway, I am very sorry for your loss...

My friend Barbara, while in an elevator alone with her daughter the other night, turned to look at her 14 mo old in her pram, only to discover that she wasn't breathing and was having a seizure. She spent the night intubated in the ICU, but she is out again now, and they don't expect the incident to have any long-term repercussions. Thank heavens! Can you imagine? Barbara said that she wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy - being trapped in an elevator when seconds count...

Off to another ultrasound in a few minutes, and hopefully we'll be triggering ovulation on Monday! Our turn! Our turn! Our turn!

Bliss

Just spent an hour and a half with gorgeous baby boy Declan fast asleep on my chest. Joy! I somehow just managed to send the pictures to folks who know her, so my brain is just NOT up to figuring out how to get it on here again, but I will soon! He is just too cute to pass up!

I had another ultrasound this AM and have 2 great follies that may be ready to trigger on Monday! Very excited, obviously!

AND, I got my first postcard from the postcard exchange! All the way from Penny Dean in Alaska!!! Gorgeous blues and golds; pictures forthcoming! I haven't even sent any out yet!!! Yikes! Too much baby distraction!!!

back pedalling

Ok, ok. Her labor didn't progress, and she finally had a C section at 10 AM this morning, and I actually heard about it just as she was going into surgery from a mutual friend. Still no word from Paley herself or her husband, but at least I am in the loop now.

I wrote a letter back to all the folks who got the message about her water breaking, and basically stated that I was ticked off at her. If I didn't love her, I wouldn't have been scared, and fear becomes anger very easily when one gets left in the dark! Anyway, I have now shared what I know with everyone else on the letter, so now they can all feel better too.

I took a potted azalea up to her room before she came down from surgury, along with some brownies for her husband, which apparently got good reviews from Mom, so hopefully by the time she gets home and reads my worried/ticked off post she'll know that I was worried out of love...

And I get to meet him, baby Declan Neil, tomorrow! Hurray! 8 lbs 14 oz, and mellow as can be... :)

It is just the hormones

Step 1: Breathe.
Step 2: Repeat above as needed until pregnant.

Sigh

One of my dearest girlfriends had her water break in the middle of the night, and I just found out from a listserve we are both on. 15 hours later, and the hospital 2 miles away, and I don't find out until now, and probably won't hear from her until morning. Like she has time to call me! I know, I know, but h e double hockey sticks! Either I'm her damned sister or I'm not, you know? I knew that she didn't want anyone there, but does that mean keep everyone out of the loop too?

Add to it that I slept most of the day, and that my husband is really depressed because he just decided to get more nursing training and all the programs are full (DUH! Its MAY!!!) so now he feels like he is spinning his wheels, and finals week is just NOT the time to crump out!!!

And he's at one of those finals as I write, so I can't even get a hug about my very mixed feelings about my friend being in labor - I'm glad and hurt, I am jealous, and I want to be able to help, even if only by sending good thoughts. I guess that I just wish that she knew how important she is to me, and that I'd want to know, darn it!

End of rant, I promise.

The Day After

The festival was great, lots of new and wonderful people, and it didn't even rain. They wove a GORGEOUS Maypole (the best I've seen); like I wasn't going to get some fiber stuff into the day? Sheesh!

I ended up using RIT dye for the green ribbons, but it came out fast and great, so all good. My first injection last night was even fast and relatively painless. But now I am exhausted; crumped out on the sofa all day napping and reading.... listening to the rain.

Happy Beltain!!!

I run a Pagan community here in Burlington, and today is our biggest festival of the year, and perfect timing for me - Fertility festival and fertility meds coincide! I still have to dye the ribbons for the Maypole (and I don't really want to waste my Procion on them, but I want GREEN, darn it!), and bake some gingerbread cookies for the picnic, but at least I had the sense to have the other founding member of the group take on the major speaking role of the day... I just fill in around and introduce her! Good thing - my voice isn't so hot, and I stayed WAY later at a party last night than I had intended to. Oops!

Anyway - May all the seeds you plant find fertile ground!!! Blessed Be!