No quilts, no politics; not really all that much ME under all of this spit-up. I LOVE being a mother - I've never wanted anything more than I've wanted my girls - but I have to have something that I want to do other than take care of them - I need something for my down time, something for my ME time; something FOR me, something ABOUT me, something ME, not just something MOM.
Fatigue is a very insidious disability. I keep getting just enough sleep to realize how frustrated I am with my situation. The art that I used to create is, again, too physically demanding. I stepped down from weaving to quilting years ago for the same reason, and I don't know where to step now. I dream of making furniture, but that is obviously right out of the question, and even my much lesser dreams of beading and scrapbooking require a stillness of hand and a dedication of time and environment that I just can't offer them. Let alone, a stillness of mind - I have to be able to put something down for an indefinate period of time in the time it takes my girls to go from asleep to inconsolate (about 30 seconds) and I need whatever I'm doing to be inexpensive ($360/month on less-allergenic formula to supplement my breast milk), baby/cat safe/proof, and not particularly flat surface consuming. I still haven't finished knitting the coming-home sweaters for my girls, and they are almost too big for them at near 6 months of age, and I am already spinning wool for blankets that I want to crochet for them that they can't outgrow, but neither "knitter" nor "crocheter" sounds like a description of myself that I could find self-satisfaction in.
If we move to the South Shore of Massachusetts, I can take on textiles and textile equipment curation at the Alden House in Duxbury, but we can't afford living there, and my parents can't afford to help us live there, and when we have said that, we've said it - no amount of *wanting* is going to change the financial facts of the situation, and I really don't want to risk my girls getting to see more of their grandparents just to get to spend most of that time watching them talk money with Mama and Dada. Plus, we can all do without the traffic, even if it does come with a lovely beach and dear, dear friends.
I *WILL* go back and get my MSW at some point, but my husband has his RN to get first, and who knows what life with the girls will be like by then anyway, so it sounds more than a little bit lame to define myself by what I want to do when my girls grow-up! Honestly, I want to spend the bulk of my time being the best Mom and wife that I can be, (as hokie as that sounds,) but I also need something where the free-will of others isn't going to be able to derail my senses of self and accomplishment.
My husband says that I could write, or program a game of my own (his hobby/semi-profession), but something about me just requires handwork, and not of the 'can do it in front of the TV without even watching' variety. Anything that a machine can do isn't likely to make me feel very good about my hard work.
Yes, I am a human BEING, not a human DOING, but I want to be something for and of myself, not defined by my relationship to others for 10 minutes a day (mother to my children, wife to my husband, daughter to my parents).
Suggestions welcome...
9.29.2006
9.20.2006
Another political quilt RE: Aminedijan
Yes, I'm sure I have misspelled that. ZERO offence intended.
Anyway, I watched his speech to the UN last night, and thought it was great. Aside from his paradigm that everyone needs spirituality, and that said should be monotheistic in nature, he didn't say a darned thing that I disagreed with.
The thought provoking part for me, was looking at where the line, time-wise, should be drawn on who 'belongs' where. I learned recently that Lebanese school children learn geography from a map that simply doesn't include Israel at all. Based on that, I can understand how the one can believe that Israel is an interloper.
I asked my mother, who was alive but a child at the time, how the decision to locate Israel where it is today was made. She said that, to her understanding, Israel was located in it's historic position. It seems odd to me that 2000 years of conflicts had determined who had the right of arms to live in that area (not absulte RIGHT mind you), and that European guilt over WW2 didn't give Europe the right to rewrite the net result of those conflicts and 'give back' land that wasn't theirs to give.
That said, I COMPLETELY support the right of both Israel and Palestine to exist. I'm just questioning the location of said countries. I think Aminidijad (sp) had a point that perhaps Europe should have created a Jewish state there, which to my mind makes sense, since that is where the Jews effected by WW2 actually LIVED at the time (as opposed to where their ancestors lived 2000 years ago.)
Anyway, I have ideas for two quilts, both involving a solid background layer of a geographical and political map with a sheer of a proposed political boundary of an Israeli state on them, one of Europe and one of the Levant. I'd have the sheer hang about 6 inches forward of the solid, and be basted down with VERY long stitches to connect the two, showing the outline of the proposed states on the solid/'given' maps. Basically, revisit the proposal, and see wherelse Israel may have gone...
Just an exploration, not a statement one way or the other. Might doesn't make right - not 2000, 65, 57 (when Israel was founded) years ago, or today. It does make maps though, and I'm not sure that we should go back and try to rewrite them, even if we can.
Anyway, I watched his speech to the UN last night, and thought it was great. Aside from his paradigm that everyone needs spirituality, and that said should be monotheistic in nature, he didn't say a darned thing that I disagreed with.
The thought provoking part for me, was looking at where the line, time-wise, should be drawn on who 'belongs' where. I learned recently that Lebanese school children learn geography from a map that simply doesn't include Israel at all. Based on that, I can understand how the one can believe that Israel is an interloper.
I asked my mother, who was alive but a child at the time, how the decision to locate Israel where it is today was made. She said that, to her understanding, Israel was located in it's historic position. It seems odd to me that 2000 years of conflicts had determined who had the right of arms to live in that area (not absulte RIGHT mind you), and that European guilt over WW2 didn't give Europe the right to rewrite the net result of those conflicts and 'give back' land that wasn't theirs to give.
That said, I COMPLETELY support the right of both Israel and Palestine to exist. I'm just questioning the location of said countries. I think Aminidijad (sp) had a point that perhaps Europe should have created a Jewish state there, which to my mind makes sense, since that is where the Jews effected by WW2 actually LIVED at the time (as opposed to where their ancestors lived 2000 years ago.)
Anyway, I have ideas for two quilts, both involving a solid background layer of a geographical and political map with a sheer of a proposed political boundary of an Israeli state on them, one of Europe and one of the Levant. I'd have the sheer hang about 6 inches forward of the solid, and be basted down with VERY long stitches to connect the two, showing the outline of the proposed states on the solid/'given' maps. Basically, revisit the proposal, and see wherelse Israel may have gone...
Just an exploration, not a statement one way or the other. Might doesn't make right - not 2000, 65, 57 (when Israel was founded) years ago, or today. It does make maps though, and I'm not sure that we should go back and try to rewrite them, even if we can.
9.08.2006
Thus Spoke Dad...
... and the really great house got kaboshed. It would have been nice if he had mentioned that it was too expensive (even with his help with the mortgage) BEFORE we drove down to Boston to see it, but oh well. At least my folks got to spend time with the girls, and we all got to talk about the move face to face.
It came to light that one of the best reasons for moving to Boston (and the first that my DH has really considered valid) is that my best childhood friend lives there, and REALLY **WANTS** us to move there, so we can be closer, and so our kids can grow up together like we did. DH Kevin moved about a billion times before college, so he doesn't have *any* childhood friends (other than his sibs, which I don't have), and he (and I, of course) really want them for our girls. Plus, having my best girlfriend just a short 5-10 minute jaunt away (rather than a phone call or the 35 plus minute drive to my other best girlfriend's house) would be amazing. The idea of walking or biking to my friend's house makes me feel like a kid again. Granted, she used to live next door, but we can't afford to live in her current hometown, at least not YET. Give it five years, and Kevin's RN, and maybe we can move even closer.
So, we have found ANOTHER house, $100,000 cheaper, and we want to look at IT next weekend. Kevin had already offered to help my Dad move some stuff then anyway, so it wouldn't be an extra drive. Kevin has even dropped his one on-campus class on the premise that we might move this semester - only online classes until we are done moving is the new rule!
Art this week? Does reading "Real Simple" count? Yeah right. My milk production PLUMMETTED with a new drug I was on (note past tense) and my pump went on the fritz, so my big project for the week (aside from yet more sleep) is getting my milk back up! Kevin plans to paint the beginning of next week, so I'm sure I'll be masking up a storm then, but, in the meantime, my life is getting my milk up for little girls whose vocal cords are making sounds like they are perpetually on idle and need a tune-up! VERY annoying!
It came to light that one of the best reasons for moving to Boston (and the first that my DH has really considered valid) is that my best childhood friend lives there, and REALLY **WANTS** us to move there, so we can be closer, and so our kids can grow up together like we did. DH Kevin moved about a billion times before college, so he doesn't have *any* childhood friends (other than his sibs, which I don't have), and he (and I, of course) really want them for our girls. Plus, having my best girlfriend just a short 5-10 minute jaunt away (rather than a phone call or the 35 plus minute drive to my other best girlfriend's house) would be amazing. The idea of walking or biking to my friend's house makes me feel like a kid again. Granted, she used to live next door, but we can't afford to live in her current hometown, at least not YET. Give it five years, and Kevin's RN, and maybe we can move even closer.
So, we have found ANOTHER house, $100,000 cheaper, and we want to look at IT next weekend. Kevin had already offered to help my Dad move some stuff then anyway, so it wouldn't be an extra drive. Kevin has even dropped his one on-campus class on the premise that we might move this semester - only online classes until we are done moving is the new rule!
Art this week? Does reading "Real Simple" count? Yeah right. My milk production PLUMMETTED with a new drug I was on (note past tense) and my pump went on the fritz, so my big project for the week (aside from yet more sleep) is getting my milk back up! Kevin plans to paint the beginning of next week, so I'm sure I'll be masking up a storm then, but, in the meantime, my life is getting my milk up for little girls whose vocal cords are making sounds like they are perpetually on idle and need a tune-up! VERY annoying!
9.02.2006
Hi ho, hi ho
... off house-hunting we will go...
Yummy prospect at a very decent price, considering the craziness in the markets lately.
More details to follow, but it will be a few days.
This *could be it* and I am VERY excited!!!
Happy Labor Day weekend all - can't believe the summer is over already!!! Ack!
Yummy prospect at a very decent price, considering the craziness in the markets lately.
More details to follow, but it will be a few days.
This *could be it* and I am VERY excited!!!
Happy Labor Day weekend all - can't believe the summer is over already!!! Ack!
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