Long and Short

BRIEF update -

34 weeks tomorrow. Literally ANY day now.

Off Methadone (manic narcolepsy and massive itching is NOT a good thing)

On Oxycontin (not working as well on pain, but no longer psycho, so good all around)

Survived 34th Birthday yesterday, despite false alarm trip to Labor and Delivery - Kevin made sugar-free cake and frosting from SCRATCH. Chocolate, natch. Joy.

Spring starts this week, and I couldn't be happier.

Storing up on sleep since that any DAY now could just as easily be any NIGHT now.

Actually making headway on the sweaters, so maybe my girls won't be coming home nekid.

Missing you all like crazy, and thankful for your thoughts and well wishes. You rock!

Update

Hi folks -

I'll be 32 weeks pregnant with the girls this coming Sunday, and am now gearing up for 34 weeks, or right around the Equinox. 32 was a MAJOR milestone for me, and 34 is no different, but with my pain levels (and resultant narcotics use) doubling every few days, two more weeks sounds like an eternity.

Ah well. The girls should be about 4.5 lbs by this time next week, and every day I make it though makes their chances of being 100% A-ok that much better, so I am just taking it one day at a time, and using every trick in the book to not go crazy with it all.

That all said, I have been 1 cm dilated for a week and a half, and we never know when this show is going to get on the road all by itself. Trouble with that is that both girls are lying sideways across my uterus (stacked like cordwood!) so I CAN'T have them vaginally at this point, unless they both move A LOT.

Anyway, thanks for the ongoing support - I really appreciate you all! More news when two criteria are met: a) that I have any new news to impart, and b) when I have the brain, body and presence of mind to actually report any of it at the same time.

Enjoy! Spring is almost here!

Knuckle Cracking

Well, it looks like I have a studio-away-from-home ahead of me this weekend - Mrs Good wants me to finish her quilt for her before she dies. All it needs is quilting and binding, and I'll do the first and my mother the latter (since it takes me FOREVER and she just doesn't have that long), and I hope to get it done in the 36 hours that I am in Boston this weekend. Apparently it is the matching quilt to one that she made for her husband, but this one is for her. I have no idea what she intends for it when she passes, but she wants it done, so it is going to get done, even if I have to do it all in 10 minute stretches 'cus the girls won't let me sit up for longer.

And I am pretty sure it is her only UFO. If I get a death warrant anytime soon, expect my dear husband to take out ads on billboards across the nation trying to get enough folks together to finish all of my drek...

Actually, I am being inspired. Mrs Good used to do a lot of sashiko sitting in front of the tv, and I'm thinking that some might be just the ticket for whiling away some bedrest - not anal, and goes fast, plus you can actually SEE it when you are done, so it makes it feel worthwhile to do in the first place... So, now I'm concocting a simple plain block pattern baby quilt just to be adorned with such easy-to-do-in-bed stitchery... I'll let you know how the processing goes.

Meanwhile, I felt the girls wiggles for the first time this last weekend, and now it feels like a constant earthquake in my belly! Comfort is officially an utopian dream, and sleep is quickly arriving at that status. I have now put on more weight (at 26+ weeks) than my mother put on her entire pregnancy with me, so from here out I can say fooey to her 'when-I-was-pregnant-with-you' stories. Hurray!

Ah well - back to bed for me - my 10 minutes are up! Enjoy!

Good and terrible news

The girls are doing grand, and have put on 3/4 lb each in the last 4 weeks - they are up to 1 lb 12 oz each now! We saw Call yawning, and lo and behold, the girls are in the same spots they were in just before Christmas - Beck head down and facing my right side although her body is on my left, and Call still sprawled across the top, face down with head on the left. I am actually starting to believe that the girls might actually stay in there until they can come out without too many problems - good thing too, since I hear that NICU bills for twins can run into the hundreds of thousands of dollars (I shiver to think what we'd do without good insurance!)

And, hold on to your hats ladies, I actually did something CREATIVE yesterday - not just rote sewing, or slopping paint around, but planned and executed ART. I love mosaics, and am playing around with mosaic quilts. Yes, I know the cat one that won so many prizes a few years back, but I mean the WHOLE THING, not just the subject, but the background too, and I'm thinking of how to use variable backings as different 'grouts' as well. The subject of my current piece (still being worked out in construction paper) is the communication between my girls in utero. I hope to work on it more soon (although it really is tedious), and will post pics when I do.

In other crappy news, my dear mother-fiugre of 28 years, Barbara Ann Powell Good, has had a turn for the worse, and is officially dying of pancreatic cancer. Hospice starts tomorrow, and they think she has 2-3 weeks. Kevin and I weren't going to go down again until after the babies are here, but now we have two trips to take - one to say goodbye, and another for her funeral, when it comes. I would have liked to have had a peaceful last trimester, but more important now is that she has peace around the idea of and during her actual passing. If any of you are the praying/meditating/sending thoughts out to the universe types, I would have enormously more peace in MY life if I knew that you were thinking of her having more peace as she ends hers. So, if your thoughts might wend that way, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Happy Anniversary to Us

Cince no one is reading my ramblings any more now that they know that I am not dead, I will self-gratuitously sing Happy Anniversary ( a la the Animaniacs) to myself and my husband of a whopping one year, Kevin.

We spent the entire day in bed, which was lovely, but not in the way y'all think - phone calls from well-wishing friends every half hour, Kevin sick as a dog with a head cold, and the girls *seriously* tyring to get in on the party they figured we'd be having. Or not. I'm currently trying to cook up the salmnon that Kevin left marinating earlier, so tht we can actually have some semblance of an anniversary dinner before we try to poison ourselves with year old raspberry torte.

Our presents to each other were ideas yet to be executed: a framed copy of our vows to hang in our bedroom (my idea) and before and after birth formal pictures of our growing family (Kevin's plan). Ain't that sweet?

And last night, before we both felt crap, we went to B&N and got me the new 400 pieces from the Dairy Barn to drool over, and then went out to Friendly's for Sundaes. Yum.

Gotta love an anniversary that is completely screwed up and wonderful anyway. :)

Meme me!

It is just as well that no one has sent me the on the 4 Meme, since I HATE chain letters (that bad luck if you don't pass it thing bugs me incredibly), and since my brain functions and posting have both been sporadic at best. That said, I am cruising through AQ blogs today, and keep seeing this Meme, so I thought I'd jump on board too... (see? I can *pretend* that I am still cool instead of just still cooling my heels!)

Also, since I am not 'officially' in the Meme, I can make up my own questions, no? Heh heh heh...

4 jobs that I have had THAT I GOT PAID MONEY FOR:
- physical therapy office receptionist
- HS biology teacher
- calligrapher
- print advertising sales

4 jobs that I have had that PAID IN SELF-SATISFACTION:
- teaching sign language to developmentally disabled adults for a performance piece
- running a Pagan community here in Vermont (and no, I'm not a witch)
- peer counselor to others with disablity issues
- sitting on my butt gestating babies - my current and far away most important job

4 movies I could watch over and over again:
- A Philadepthia Story or anything else with Katherine Hepburn in it
- Some Kind of Wonderful - the ultimate tomboy's chick-flick
- Dangerous Beauty - sex, brainy banter, and cool costumes. How can you do better?
- The Princess Bride - wait, I HAVE watched that one over and over again... :)

4 places that I have lived:
- Boston, MA (where I grew up)
- Providence, RI (where I went to RISD)
- Burlington, VT (where I went to Trinity and UVM and have lived since)
- Wiltshire, England (where I have spent years if you add up all my visits)

4 TV shows I watch regularly:
- Surface, Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis - since my husband has them on anyway
- Firefly - since WAY before it became trendy. I'm buying the series on DVD.
- CSI (original of course) - in reruns since I can't stay up that late anymore
- pretty much anything on the Discovery Health or History channels

4 places I have been on vacation:
- Isle of Skye, Scotland (where I stayed on a croft and talked to cows)
- rainy but still gay Paris (museum hopping when I was 14 and actually spoke French)
- both Norway and Iceland (textiles AND Vikings AND natural gorgeousness - WOW!)
- Temegami, Ontario (with Earthwatch, working on old growth red and white pines forests)

4 websites I visit everyday:
- Fibermania (sort of daily worship, really)
- Sonji Says (because she is just the coolest chick *ever*)
- PaMdora's Box (because her life and her art are both facinating and fun)
- Twin Shock (because I need to get ready and attitude is everything)

4 favorite foods BEFORE PREGNANCY:
- pancakes with real VT maple syrup
- anything uber-chocolaty with no nuts, since I am allergic and don't want to die
- stuffed shells with meat sauce and tons of cheese
- Taco Bell quesadillas (please don't hurt me, Mrs Mel!)

4 favorite food SINCE I GOT PREGNANT WITH TWINS:
- steak - must rip flesh with my teeth daily
- eggnog - just enough fat to help me reach my weight gain goals
- Cabot's uber-sharp Hunter's Cheddar cheese
- granola bars sans nuts

Favorite beverage before, during and after *anything*
- skim milk, by the gallon!

4 places I'd rather BE:
- a way tidier and better repaired and prepared house
- somewhere all on one floor with no steps to climb
- a bigger bed (Quess isn't big enough for 4 people and two cats!)
- closer to Mrs Good so I could visit her more :(

4 things I'd rather be DOING (but my body, pregnancy or circumstances won't let me):
- anything for the Peacecorps or the CDC
- anything related to my art
- anything that comes without paperwork
- sailing the SW coast of England with my husband on a lovely summer day

4 albums I can't live without: (not that I play them often, but need them when I need them)
- my natural sounds CDs - best way to relax
- Eastern Odyssey (2 CD set) - great music to create and work to
- Tori Amos "Little Earthquakes" for when I need to shout the lyrics in a bitter mood
- They Might Be Giants "Flood" for when I have to drive all night, or just need to let off steam

4 people who don't deserve to live and die the way they are going to:
- my aunt Betty with Huntington's Chorea
- Mrs Good with pancreatic cancer
- my cousin Bill with ALS/Lou Gherig's
- anyone who dies for lack of food in a world full of MacDonald's

(cheerier) 4 names we are considering for our girls:
- Cordelia - my middle name and a must-have family name (I'm the 9th one!)
- Lyn, Lynn, Llyn or some version thereof, for my mother CaroLYN and his mom LINda
- Rebecca - for our little Beck, even though it means "noose"
- Joyce - family name on my husband's side, and way better than all the Welsh ones!

4 things I want for my girls in their lifetimes:
- good, honest, lifelong friends
- the guts to try things and the brains to try the *right* things
- healthy inner children who they play with often
- peace and passion, in equal measure

Frownie Face

This has been a long week, but ART HAS HAPPENED!

First, the good stuff
- the babies are great and officially viable! Hurray!
- I just did another 4 blocks in the studio and even tidied a smidgen
- I slept well, and even had pregnancy-induced kinky dreams }:)
- Kevin brought me a honey-dipped donut for breakfast again - Hap Cakes around here
- I got up meaning to paint those onesies all sorts of tealy/limey blue/yellow/greens
- it is sunny out, and everyone that I love knows it.

Then, the not so good stuff
- HARD contractions twice an hour ad nauseum
- I couldn't find the onesies to paint them (might still be in the car)
- I am out of steak to rip with my teeth
- my health insurance case worker is on my butt to apply for kid insurance
- my Dad perceives such state-supported insurance as 'not-for-HIS-grandchildren'
- I am stuck in that anxious/bored-out-of-my-mind part of my pregnancy
- we still have the to-do list from HECK before the girls come
- my case worker said they could come anytime now! Yikes!
- I keep finding myself doing the frownie face thing for no apparent reason

And, monstrously worse than anything, my dear, dear friend/other Mom, Barbara Good, just got the news that her chemo has stopped working, and that her pancreatic tumor on her liver has grown too much to do anything with. Everyone is now talking 'quality of life issues' and Kevin and I are madly trying to work out when we can go to Boston to see her again. She came to my shower, but a)she was exhausted and b)I thought I'd see her the next day when I visited, but when I got there I spoke only with her husband as she had gone to bed. I am NOT satisfied with the last time I see her being a peck on the cheek on her way out the door.

So, her cancer and my babies permitting, Kevin and I are going to go down about 4 weeks from now, when we can also pick up my Mom for her whirlwind make-the-house-ready-for-babies trip. If either my pregnancy or her prognosis looks bad though, we'll go earlier, and convenient pick-up for Mom be damned.

I think this is all hitting me WAY harder than normal because a) I'm a hormonal pregnant lady, for pete's sake, and b) because I am very much in a 'link the generations' mode, what with having babies and all. This frownie face thing is bugging me too - brand new last week, ever present, and NOT the face I want my baby girls to get familiar with!!!!!

One day in front of the next, and smile every chance I get. Kevin is going to clean out the garage this weekend (yes, in January, in Vermont. Don't ask.), while I fold mountains of laundry. Frighteningly, the garage is a huge job, and I think that Mt. Laundry is its equal.

Plus, we get to drop by one of our SCA (medieval reenactment) thingies, and show off my big belly to all sorts of folks who don't even know that we are expecting yet. That part should be fun, especially since it is only about a mile away, so I can come home and fold myself into bed if I get too tired.

Funny the things that please me now - 4 little patches for a trad quilt, a bed to fall into, and rubbing the furrow off my forehead. Simple minds, simple pleasures...

Now if only SONJI would start posting again!!!!! ;)

Wednesday already...

And I still haven't reported in on my baby shower in Boston last weekend (kind of wore me out) - it was lovely! I was a little nervous at first at seeing such a varied group of my mostly my Mother's friends, but once everyone arrived, I did a little introduction about each person, and that seemed to get folks laughing and comfy (who doesn't like hearing nice things about themselves, eh?) and, most importantly, chatty.

I didn't get to eat a bite until the very end, when I was chatting with my old friend Jen (Hi Jen!) and introducing her to my husband. We spent about 9 million hours together as kids, but I hadn't seen her in at least 15 years. I have suggested that she look at this webring and into blogging as an idea for getting connected and advertised herself - she was an AMAZING artist when we were kids, and I certainly can't imagine that she hasn't surpassed herself a dozen times over since then. She is working mostly in pencil drawing and logo design right now, and when she DOES get a blog, I'm sure she'll let us all know so we can go visit and give her a warm blogging welcome, RIGHT JEN???!!!! >:)

Anyway, the loot was Pirate worthy. I have never seen so many tiny matching outfits! Pink was in evidence, but not overwhelmingly so, thank goodness! A few outfits were saccharin enough to give me a toothache, but I'm sure that I'll have days when they seem perfect on my little angels. (Please make me stop before I make myself sick though, ok? That 'little angels' thing? WAY over the top for me...) So, the upshot is that we are going to have the best dressed babies in Burlington, if not the whole state. Add in the bibs, blankets, and boppies, and, pas d'accord the pack and play, and our girls are well on their way to being set for life.

Jen, artiste that she is, even gave us 10 pristine white onesies, size 6-9 months. Hm. Like ANYTHING is going to stay white during my summer fabric painting spree, which, gee shucks, hopefully falls right around the time my girls might be needing said size onesies. Art AND babies, all in one shot. Joy, Joy, Joy! Tie-dyed, watercolored, appliqued babies, here I come!!! Might not be what you expected Jen, but it was the first thing to cross my mind when I openned them, other than 'practical present - hurray!!' - thanks twice over! And yes, ladies, I promise to show you my Done Over Onesies when we get to summer, ok?

In the meantime (the sun being WAY too low to dry fabric before it bleeds all over hell if I tried to paint now) I've redesigned the quilts for my friend's twins, and have even picked out some fabric to start one for - gasp - my OWN girls. I also got a magnetic quilt set over the weekend from my mom - 1000 colored triagular tiles to play with on a magnetic surface - just the thing for a fatigued brain on bedrest! I'll try and take a picture of it in the next few days to show you all. Other than that though, I am just laying low, and watching my belly grow a little more with every passing day. They could technically be here anytime now, but we hope to keep them in until March, so I'm watching days on the calendar, and am enjoying every bit of sleep and down time that I get. More news as I have it, ladies - enjoy!

Blog Heaven

I just went and read a couple of QA Digests, and, I gotta say it, I don't really feel like I have missed all that much in the months I have been away from it - I get what I need (and then some!) from these great blogs!

Obviously the list has its purposes, like supply info and shows and such, but for the day to day 'make-me-want-to-get-into-the-studio' I have YOU FOLKS! Hurray for the QA webring!!!! I'll be seriously evil and even say that I sometimes just scroll down a blog looking for pictures of cool art to bathe my brain in - VERY therapeutic!

Anyway, I'm off to Boston for the shower my Mum is throwing the girls and I - I'll undoubtedly be openning lots of PINK (gack!) but most babies *do* look good in it, so I'll be sinerely grateful anyway. Also? Cream puffs!!!!! Wahoo!

Baby Steps

I actually went into the studio again this AM, and actually DID SOME WORK - real work, not just tidying (although I did some of that too!) - I ripped nasty old seams from the LAST time I tried to sew with baby brain (Oct? Nov?) and then got 4 squares done for one of the quilts for my friend's twins. Not like I have ANY time to make something for MY girls, mind you, since I still owe those 16 MONTH olds theirs, and only one of them is even 1/3 of the way to completion!

Ah well - I figure that working in small snatches of time is going to have to be the new modus operandi around here, so I'm thinking that I'll get in shape for it by taking 30 minutes a day and doing 4 blocks on this quilt. I *was* going to set the blocks right next to each other, but, well, the quilts won't be very big if I do that, AND (much more importantly, honestly,) I'd have to match all those points, SO - nice wide sashing strips have been added to the design, provided that my backing fabrics are big enough to accomodate the change. MUCH easier on my time and my sanity, and it might actually get this one DONE so I can start the OTHER one!

Meanwhile, I need to start listening to NPR again, if for no other reason than I need to knit and spin! I have six pieces of baby sweater to make before my girls are due to come home, and my MIL needs me to spin more boring black wool for the joint project sweater that she is knitting for my husband, Kevin. I need to order that from Halcyon, and try to make sure that I don't have TOO much left over as a) it's pricey, and b) it was BORING to spin - no flair, no panache, and I didn't even like the way it went through my fingers! Yeck! I also have to finish spinning up the tricolor mohair for my MIL (stupid plant matter in it requires way more time to pick out than actually spinning the stuff takes), and same MIL just sent a whole pound of yummy grassy/tealy/bluey-greens wool for me to spin as well - great colors, but not ones that I would wear... but we'll see - you never know until you see the yarn and swatch it up! (Hm... seed stitch does wonders...)

So, yeah - life is busy, but good. We are going to try and have everything ready to bo by March 5, my 32 week mark, and boy oh boy (or should I say girl oh girl?) do we have our work cut out for us! Wish me luck!

Zen? Ha!

Well, my Week of Zen has become my week of Me against the Machine - Civ 4 at Noble level is just brutal. Actually, the focus that I use playing turn-based strategy games is very similar to that I get working out a quilting quandry - intense, immersive, and completely internal and relevant only to me. So - not SO bad really, but it doesn't sound as cool as saying that I spend my week in meditation and journalling. Oh well. "To thine own self be true." This week my Self seems to be wanting to crush Catherine the Great into a little ball of AI misery. I'm not the violent sort, but I DO take umbrage when folks start wars with me for no good reason other than that I am better than they are. >:)

2005 - my last year as a person responsible for only myself. The enormity of my impending parenthood is starting to weigh on me almost more than the girls themselves. I am really looking forward to their being here, but I DO enjoy my leisure, and two babies at one time just sounds like a lot of WORK. I know it will be great just as it is exhausting, but I am storing up as many long afternoons of snuggling up in bed reading for hours on end as I can, since I can, right now.

The 2+ maternity clothing idea has taken even better form lately - most moms of multiples are at least home from work by 28 weeks, and HUGE, if not just plain hospitalised by then or soon thereafter. So - the most needed, and undoubtedly appreciated item in the mom of multiples wardrobe? A bathrobe. The shiny one my Kevin got me for Christmas overlaps by about two inches at present, and I can't imagine that it will fit for long. Adding Xs to the size one buys won't help either, as then they are huge all over and just too wide in the back and shoulders to work comfortably. What is needed is for the back to be NORMAL, and the front to be HUGE - lots of room for overlap, without needing to pull it so far around that the armholes become nursing access! A small mailorder company off the web would work GREAT for this, and would make a fortune. Machine washable, easy to clean fabrics only please. Idea open to all and any takers, so run with it!

BTW - there isn't much in the world more lovely than morning sun on snow.

As for 2006 - if you are looking for adventure, or just to put your feet up, I hope you find what you are looking for, and never be bored along the way. Happy New Year!

business niche WIDE open

If any of you sweet souls (five more comments! Love abounds!) are ever wanting to break into the clothing industry, PLEASE make twin/triplet maternity clothes. Most of us needing said items are older, wiser and richer (infertility is NOT a cheap diagnosis) and we can't find anything to wear! I have ONE pair of 'maternity' pants that still fit, and I am not even 5 months in yet! Only a pair of 2x sweats that I got cheap still fit (along with some self-made drawstrings!) - so I have NO idea what I am going to wear for the next several months, and can't even sit to the sewing machine to make myself anything! Why hasn't someone else done this, you ask? Because the only folks who know of the need have their hands full with too many babies to meet it for others!!! Anyway, you'd make a killing - trust me!

And, since you gals are so open about our real lives, I'll tell you something I haven't told most: My belly is offically bigger than my ass, hips included. Oi. (Not to mention other delightful aspects of pregnancy that I never read about in books - a line of dark hair crawiling up to my bra line, pubic hair on all sorts of heretofore nonhirsute real estate, and that my chest looks like a road map - huge blue highways and rivers coming form all quarters to plunge into the twin metropoli of my areaolas. I swear they are each bigger than MY mouth, let alone those of my wee babes!

Anyway, my point is this - I am revelling in my body right now. Grossly uncomfortable (and sometimes just plain gross), not to mention painful (both girls have thier heads on the same side, along with one body, so my belly button points off at about 1:30, I'm so lopsided), and I love it. I can't stop rubbing my belly, and not just to try and shove little girls to the East. I have been looking for picutes of pregnant models to draw from, and can't find any outside of Geddes work. I think I need to get Kevin to take some - blue rivers and all!

No cleaning today (sloth is a virtue when you are going to be a twin mom, or so my Dr keeps telling me), but I'm pouring lots of creative energy into figuring out how to share my queen size bed with my husband, my two girls, and two VERY large cats. I am trying NOT to go with the obvious; hurling them all out of the room, but sleep would be MUCH harder now if I weren't so dang tired all the time anyway!

As for maids and mothers - can't afford it, and lives to far away (and just got over shingles herself!) So - little bits here and there. Our living room is now in livable condition (for the first time in many months), and I'm even having company over today. Enjoy!

I feel so loved!

TWO people actually read my last post in the first 24 hours - and even commented on it! You folks have real tenacity! Thank you!

For all of my old Partners in Clean, I took 20 minutes to get rid of trash and dishes yesterday, and 20 to just declutter today, and, while still not CLEAN (please don't look at my carpet), my living room is now a MUCH mentally-healthier place to be. Hurray! (Way better than trying to get my husband to do it too!)

My quiet day yesterday? Played Civ 4 and read some of the sequel to Simple Abundance, called Something More, by Sarah Ban Breathnach; all about grown-up authentic selves. I've been reading about passion, and have been itching to get into the studio, but clearing mental and physical clutter and knowing that I am lucky because at least I KNOW what I want to be doing, are all good things. Besides, most of the last few years, I have been throwing myself into my art since I couldn't throw myself into parenting yet- who knew I'd end up longing the other way?

Don't get me wrong - I am thrilled to be pregnant, but I also know that I am about to take a major leap in my life, and I want to make sure to pack up all of the really important parts of me for the journey. Some bits of me that I won't have tons of time for I won't mind leaving behind, but my artistically creative self? Heck no - first thing in my carry-on bag!!!

I think that the biggest thing that I got out of yesterday is that I am still just as much of an artist, even if I am not doing art right now. I am being an artist rather than doing art right now, that's all. But it is an ok thing, since I am a human being, and not a human doing anyway.

On the no-art for Christmas comment I made, my mother was surprised that no one got me the Caran D'ache watercolor crayons I asked for, and said she'd get them for me for my birthday in March. The idea that she's going to get me art supplies right around the time the babies could be here any minute was very validating for me - not that I needed it, but it is nice to know that she anticipates my doing art when the girls are small - maybe not much, but some is better than none!

Today's agenda? Cleaning and sleeping until noon? Check. Email, civ 4 and maybe some holiday cards until Kevin wakes up at 3:30? Sounds good. Going to the bookstore immediately thereafter to spend gift certificates and get a sequel that I NEED!?!? Heck yes!

My week of Zen Me

Hi folks -

I certainly can't imagine that *anyone* is still checking this blog, but I hugely appreciate if you are!

My twin pregnancy has been the ever-growing center of my life for months now, and I have decided to take this next 10 days (before going BACK to Boston for my baby shower) to get some time in for ME and actually ignore (as best I can) my pregnancy for a while; Yes, I'll still take my meds and eat and lie down most of the time, but my mind? I hereby claim it back from Baby Brain for a bit!

But let's get the pregnancy news out of the way first, shall we? Then it will be said and can be PUT DOWN. I am 22.5 weeks preg with fraternal twin girls, both doing perfectly. I am enourmous (think 8 months instead of 4.5) and only have two pairs of pants that even begin to fit. My belly button is disappearing. I have put on 20+ lbs so far, which is perfect. I know most of the doctors on the Labor and Delivery floor by first name, since I have been up there with weird pains so often. Rolling over is a myth I once heard about, as is getting comfy.

My beloved Kevin got me a fabu-soft bathrobe for Christmas that I adore. I got none of the art related stuff on my Christmas list. I have done JACK ALL with textiles, other than trying to spin alpaca for my mother in law (can't sit up long enough to spin much) and knit up part of a baby sweater. Yikes. My sewing machine is just off limits, as I can't sit up to use it, and my attempt to do a silk painting for my aunt for Christmas failed when my brain forgot to gutta the edges too, to prevent bleeding. Oh well - she didn't deserve it anyway. >:)

So... I am going to take some of the pushki my mom gave me and get myself a subscription to QA. I think I need it arriving in my mail box to remind me that I am something other than a gestating machine. I am going to pick up a book on pastel drawing at Barns and Snowballs since I can do that with my belly as desk, and I like the idea of smudging stuff right now. I am GOING to do one of a) get my husband to CLEAN THIS DUMP UP, b) make a show of trying to do it myself so he gets the point that this is important to me so it won't get this disgusting again, or c) take more of my carefully hoarded pushki and hire a kid home on break to do some of it for me. I can't take it anymore! I can't really bend over, but I'll figure it out. Most of the stuff from knee to elbow height I have dealt with, but the floor? Grody to the max.

I plan to do some thinking and writing this week too - I haven't really journalled on my pregnancy yet, despite having worked so hard to get here. I feel like I owe it to MYSELF to document this transformation some. Likewise, I haven't done a tarot reading for myself in ages - no, I don't tell the future, I just look at what thoughts I am having now - very good for mindfulness work, and I am feeling a sore lack of that on anything other than a maternal level lately.

And why now? I was supposed to stay in Boston this whole time, so no one knows that I am home, I have no appointments scheduled, and snow always puts me in the mood for introspection. Also, I know that far too soon I will have precious few moments of quiet time to myself, let alone nice big chunks of them to spend as I please, rather than in a recovery coma.

So - it is lunch time now, then something 100% for my mental health, specifics as yet to be determined.

Best wishes to all - I miss your lives like crazy.

Ignorance

I just logged on, read the news, and told my husband that Rosa Parks had died at 92.

"Who?"

I looked at him incredulously and said "Rosa Parks? Montgomery, Alabama? Wouldn't give her bus seat up to a white guy and got arrested, which got MLK to start that huge boycott and *start the civil rights movement?*" (Can you tell that the pitch of my voice was rising the whole time? Lol

He then told me that he had moved around a lot during HS and may have missed that part of American history.

I told him that we had pictures of her up in our classroom in *elementary school*.

He's never heard of her. Didn't even ring a bell when I retold him her story. He didn't even know what the initials in NAACP stood for, but he did know what the group was about.

-----

I get that VT is the whitest state in the country. I get that my husband moved around a lot growing up. But I don't get that schools here never celebrated Black History Month when we were all complaining, just 200 miles south in Boston, that Black History was everyone's history and ought to be incorporated throughout the year - not just dragged out for the shortest month of the year, not to mention one with a week long vaction during it.

Needless to say, I read him the entire article. I guess even 'educated' men didn't learn some things....

Testing, testing...

My old, nice, dependable keyboard just bit the dust. The space bar doesn't work any more, at least not out on the edges where I hit it, with force, after every word. Sigh.

So - here is the new keyboard - same layout, but *NO WHERE NEAR AS GOOD*. (No offence, little board, but you are following the wake of some *smooth* keystrokes...)

So, not that my posts have been frequent lately, but typing has gotten even more trying. Sigh. I *so* enjoyed having my fingers be able to type at the speed of my thoughts. No more.

At least for now.

Sigh.

Personality

My husband is mocking my inability and gross unwillingness to roll over. Fooey on him.

I had a *really* long u/s on Tuesday (on a full bladder - wah!) that showed that everything is hunky dory! Baby A (Beck) is a camera hogging acrobat - never staying still. Baby B (Call) is a camera-shy slug-a-bed who want move even if you poke him or her. We saw perfect profiles on both (little noses and chins) and 10 little fingers on Beck.

Why Beck and Call? Say that to yourself for a minute... YUP - that is me - 24/7! Also, since the one we lost was lower in my uterus, that one would have been A, and these would have been B and C, so the nicknames sort of honor their missing sibling.

In other news, I have only puked twice in the last 4 days! Hurray! I am 13 weeks nnow, so my morning sickness is tapering off right on schedule. Hurray! The babies are perfect size and heart rate for age, so I am happy. We'll find out genders just after Turkey Day when they do a lvl 3 anatomical u/s just to make sure everything about their little bodies is good to go!

A change in the weather

In addition to the copious amounts of rain pounding us this last week, I A) gained weight for the first time in my pregnancy thanks to Mom's cooking in Boston last weekend, and B) might actually be seeing the end of the morning-noon-and-night sickness that has been plaguing me for a month now! Hurray!

I will be 12 weeks prengnant in the next few days, so I am a third of the way through to seeing these guys born. Kevin is thinking about going back to work, and we are trying to find foods that take minimal prep for maximal nutrition and all around yumminess. Hopefully we are moving the futon today - (or rather I will supervise HIS moving of the futon) from its summer residence by the AC to its winter home by the heater and better light source. I'm just glad that it isn't colder out, or all of this rain could be SNOW! Yikes!

Studio? Art work? What are those? I colored most of a plate of the Human Brain coloring book the other day, and put a couple of stitches into my needlepoint this AM, but that is it. I haven't even been able to finish my post cards for heaven's sake! (But you WILL get them eventually - sorry for the tardiness!!!) Right now my creative and productive juices are going no farther than my uterus... good for the long haul, but boring in the short term! Daytime TV would be a complete bust without the numerous science channels we pay through the nose for...

"High Risk"

That is the official term for my twin pregnancy since my medical record is in a BINDER now. Oh well. At least I really like my Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist, Dr Helen Feltovich. Now if I can just stop puking...

Sheep and Wool!!!!!!

Not much going on here, but I thought I'd check in anyway, since some of you seem to still be reading along with my pregnancy induced woes...

Word to the wise: Don't get a nasty head cold when you have morning sickness. You'd think that the staggering lack of olfaction would help in the puking department, but I have two words for you: Post-nasal drip. Snot running down the back of one's throat is almost garunteed to trigger one's gag reflex, as does blowing one's nose. I puked about 30 times yesterday (can't take any of the good drugs pregnant!) after not puking AT ALL on Saturday (or so far today, for that matter, but let's not jinx me, ok?)

The timing of said cold was *perfect* however. That no puke Saturday I mentioned? VT Sheep and Wool festival. Melody would have made her man sell his bike to pay for the goodies - honest! Even my DH Kevin bought a bag of merino/silk blend in great turquoise and maroon blends to spin up. Yeah, you heard me - spin. There was plenty of ready to knit yarn there (in alpaca, angora, bamboo, wool - you name it) but I am WAY more of a spinner than a knitter (baby sweaters in progress notwithstanding) and was in *desperate* need of a drum carder. Anyone who knows what I am talking about will know the price tag associated with such marvelous devices. Anyone with no clue whatsoever will notice that I used the past tense when refering to my drum carder jones....

So... $304 dollars later (gulp) I am the proud owner of a drum carder. Now the $200 worth of dyed locks (from my pre-dying days) sitting in my closet can finally get carded and *fed to the machine*!!! Joy!

You KNOW that I had to get some natural white locks to dye myself too though, right? Another $20 there (which I thought was VERY restrained, since she had 4.5 lbs of *prewashed* Coopworth sitting there!!!), plus two rainbow dyed rovings for the twins ($10 each) and an ohmigodmustspin 8 oz ball of core-frosted alpaca (dark brown on the inside, white on the outside). YUMILICIOUSNESS at its blinkin finest. I justify it by thinking that I'll spin it up and give it to my mother in law for a Xmas present. She's a great knitter, see, and I *finally* finished the ohIhatetoworkfromtop black that I ordered from my dear cousin-in-law Halcyon last year that I am supposed to send to said mother in law for a sweater for said son/husband.

Halcyon's stuff is amazing, btw, if you haven't discovered her yet - she has this great "yarn store in a box" that is just stuckathomeonarainyday and needingafondle heaven. But I won't order top from her again. VERY nice, if you like top. I spin for relaxation, and don't find spinning top to be very relaxing, so... but it was black and available, so I got a pound of it from her. And it is FINALLY done, almost a year later. Talk about an albatross.

Which reminds me of Serenity. We went after sheep and wool on Sat, and it was probably too much for me, but I'm still glad we went. I am NOT happy with them though - great movie except for them killing off characters!!!!!!! The first death I understood - unfortunate, but ok. The second death spells the death of the ensemble dynmamic for me - talk about a key character! The only way they could have ticked me off more would have been to have killed off Kaylee (who has *aged* since the show - wowzers!)

Enough of my ramble - Kevin is going to give me a push around the block soon to enjoy the sunshine, and I am VERY much looking forward to it. Enjoy!