Unisom and good, but sad, news

Unisom works even better than compazine (and no explosions at the *other* end, either!), and it works for about twice as long, so Unisom and Vitamin B6 it is!

Tuesdays are just my good days - two in a row I haven't puked, but come Wednesday...

Ah well - at least I am down to just a few times a day - not so bad when it was almost as many times as years in my age...

And, the little guy stopped growing a week and a half ago, and showed no heartbeat on yesterday's u/s. The twins look great though - perfect size for date, and matching heart rates of 167 bpm. I have been released from Reproductive Endocrinology, and am now officially a patient of Maternal Fetal Medicine. All these 10 dollar words for wanting the most normal thing in the world. Oh well.

I go today to my first twins club meeting - should be exciting/terrifying! Wish me luck!

Compazine and sherbert

are my two new best friends. I am only taking in water based liquids (sherbert, broth, and jello), and must have puked at least 20 times yesterday. So - I called my Dr in desperation last night, and he prescribed Compazine. Ah... It has been over two hours since I last dry heaved, and I am actually able to get moderately comfy for the first time in ages. Hurray!

I'm NOT pushing my luck, and Kevin is still going to try and take a couple of weeks off to help me out - he needs more sleep, and I need more care. We just need to get over this hump... My next U/S is on Wednesday, and we'll know more then, so that will be good.

Meanwhile, I am exercising my brain with logic puzzles, weekend science shows, and inventing wild plants for my husband's computer game. They kill time, and the weeks are passing, one by one. I'm 9 weeks now, so hopefully this won't last much longer...

Mirabile dictu!

I have NOT puked in two days, and I actually got into the studio for a couple of HOURS yesterday! I was working on a big piece of timtex to be cut up for some of the remaining postcards that I owe people, and the quilting has even begun on it, but I won't post a picture until I am ready to back and cut it - just to keep me honest.

I don't know which feels better, honestly - getting in the studio or getting OUT of the bathroom. Ah.... Add the flocks of geese soaring overhead and CSI premiere week to the mix, and I am one VERY happy camper!

You all are the BEST.

I post about my pregnancy here a) to get to vent about stuff, and b) to justify to all of you (and maybe myself too) why art just is NOT happening right now (although I *have* started knitting a baby sweater).

That said, not only do you all keep reading my blather, but you actually *write back with your support* - I am just blown away. I knew that a couple of readers were trying to get pregnant themselves, and polite interest from them was sort of expected, but some of the letters (and the sheer volume of them!) that I have been getting are just so many hugs waiting for me in my mailbox each day.

You all are just SO sweet, and SO VERY, VERY appreciated. I thank you. :)

Sad but good news

I had another u/s on Wednesday, and it showed three little guys - all the right size for age. Two of them look perfect - amniotic sacs like swimming pools, and heartrates in the 140's - right where they should be.

But the gap has opened even wider between the twins and 'the little guy' - the third embryo; his sac barely contains him, and his heartrate was in the very unhealthy 90's.

I'm glad that I got to meet him, but the Dr says that he is 99.9% certain that the little guy is on his way out. I have another u/s in 2 weeks to see if he has gone by then. If not, they think I should have him 'nudged along his way' so that a later miscarriage doesn't risk the twins' health. No fun. As much as I like having him around, I certainly hope that he goes on his own, so that I don't need to make such a horrible choice.

But, I am HUGELY relieved to be having only twins. I have two arms and two breasts, so twins is doable! I am almost 8 weeks in... so obviuosly it is still anyone's game, but I'm feeling better about things now...

In other news, my wheelchair arrived this week, and I actually get to go somewhere *other than the mall* this weekend. In fact, I am going to two different parks on two different days, so I am very excited (even better? I am going this AM *without* my husband. He is a complete peach, but the idea of actually going somewhere without him is almost intoxicating....)

Enjoy, folks, and Happy Harvest!

Morning sickness...

... hit like a wall last night, and has been consuming my every thought and movement since. Sigh... At least I only have two more days until that all important 7 week ultrasound. Meanwhile, ginger ale, a wet washcloth, and getting up slowly are my bestest friends in the world (no offense meant, but you understand!) BTW - my hubby gets BIG bonus points for rubbing my back while I lost my breakfast this AM - he's a sweety.

Enjoy, and *please* continue to create and discuss lots of gorgeous art so I can live vicariously...

more than one?

Ok folks, update time -

I might be pregnant with triplets. It is still WAY early (6 weeks tomorrow), so I may lose any or all of them, but last week's u/s showed three gestational sacs, two substantially bigger than the third. We are likely looking at twins.

I am hungry every couple hours, am still living on narcotics and sleeping , and I think morning sickness is edging its way into the scene. Blech.

Anyway, just wanted to let you all know why I have dropped off the planet. I'll let you know what is going on as soon as I do...

My empathy is not fuel for your agenda

I just received this comment to my below post within 5 minutes of posting it.

"Typical liberal response....symbolism ovr substance....

Why don't you send an abortionist down there and kill off all of those un-wanted black babies....

You are an idiot."

--
Posted by The Shadow to Quilt Art Quests and Quandries... at 9/03/2005 09:21:18 AM

Sigh.

There is an ENORMOUS difference between 'unwanted' and 'bad timing.'

If folks WANT to conceive during all of this, well then, power to them! I can see where such a wonderful blessing at this point would be very calming, and would convey a sense that life will go on, no matter what the devastation.

I can also see where it might be a headache some folks would rather avoid just now. I'm thinking about the folks who normally use birth control, and whom Katrina has taken it away from. They deserve to be able to make their choice too.

And none of this is even looking at STDs - lots of people are looking for whatever comfort they can find right now, and they shouldn't have to risk getting some horrible disease to get it.

And before anyone says that I am saying that 'poor black people have no self-control and are rutting like bunnies' - these people have been through hell, and anything that brings them some peace is a good thing, as long as it isn't hurting anyone. I would prefer if it didn't risk them getting hurt in the process - they don't deserve more pain.

___

I also feel for the person who felt that they needed to lambast me. Whatever they have dealt with that makes them assume that I am 'one of *those* people' is a travesty.

That said, it would be really nice if people would actually look at the intent behind a posting before deciding that it vallidates their own personal agendas - whether they agree or disagree with me. I am an independant thinker, and I rarely jump on *any* bandwagon; I am much more likely to discover that my own little soapbox fits in nicely with someone else's and enjoy their commeraderie, but I try very hard never to allow their voice to become mine.

If you don't like something that I have to say, please call me an idiot, but please do not insult me by saying that I have 'a typical liberal response.' Most of my views *are* very liberal, but they are, first and foremost, MY views, and not those spoonfed to me by some platform or other.

Also? Have the decency to leave an actual address to reply to - throwing statements out without making *any* provision for dialog is highly unlikely to ever solve anything.

Horrible thought

The devastation of the Gulf Coast is much on my mind. I plan to get lots of diapers and things to the dropoff points here in Vermont to send to the South today when I am out (finally). Gas being what it is, I figured that diapers are a) pretty critical and b) relatively lightweight for the long trip.

I am very pleased to see that so many organizations are getting in there, and I look forward to being part of the effort. I've seen info on not just housepet rescue operations, but also on equine rescue work. I'm glad.

My horrible thought? When you have nothing except grief and frustration and thousands of people, I can imagine that sexual intimacy is one of the few things folks can do to relax, let off some stress, and feel close to each other when so many have been lost. And I bet most folks lost their birth control and STD-preventing condoms. I know that grief has lead me into some less-than-smart situations in my past, and I've NEVER been through what those folks are going through. Talk about short-term peace for long-term consequences.

Since it seems to me that those poor folks don't need any more long-term headaches at this point, and, at the same time, deserve all the peace they can get, I am going to throw a couple of boxes of condoms in with my donation today. Even if they only go to married couples, that will be great, since no one needs to be trying to rebuild their lives and build a baby at the same time, and I'm sincerely afraid that nine months from now folks lives are still going to be *very* disrupted. No one needs that.

And, as usual, I am behind on my AQ digests. I am going to read some of the recent ones today though, hoping that someone who knows how is going to run a fundraiser for Katrina victims. I may have many other sewing projects to finish, and I may have very limited energy at this point, but I WILL contribute my time, energy and prayers to this effort. Likewise, if anyone is coordinating getting quilts to the South, I'm in. In fact, I think I still have some small lovey size quilts left from a show I did years ago. They might go in the box today too... I'd be honored to have them provide some small comfort for a child who has been through hell this week, and has a long journey to wherever home may eventually be.

I'm a WHAT?!?!?

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Ok, I am not into politics except when I play darts and need to imagine a target, and I really don't think that I am much like Honest Abe here, but the part that made me post this to all of you is the "you are an ASSASSINATION VICTIM" bit!!!! What the heck???

Trust me, I'm not worth the bullet. If you want to throw a nice chilled lemon pie at me though, that would a)be far more appropriate, and b) WAY yummier than eating lead.

Yes, I think that all the sweat I am producing is BOUND to interfere with good fusing results, but I AM going to work on my IS piece today. No excuses.

BTW - I am officially 5 weeks pregnant today, and the Salmon dinner (yup - so good it has to be capitalized) by candlelight and long snuggles thereafter that Kevin and I enjoyed last night were VERY nice. I don't like that our schedules are completely at odds with each other now, but having 'dates' again feels very pookie and nice.

I'm melting!!!!!

Too darned hot and humid. Too many narcotics. Too much lovely company!! This is my lovely friend Cindy, who came and spent the day untangling my yarn, weaving on her little weavette thingy, and generally gossiping. Perfect company - I'm too out of it to focus on much, but my hands could gaily needlepoint and my brain happily blather, so all was good.And this is the gang - my lion Gunny, my turtle baby Tata, and their dear friend, Aunt Cindy's Blue Bear! They are snuggled up in a quilt made from scraps (some of them from Cindy in the first place) that Cindy played with when she was here last. Tata had a quilt, so Blue Bear wanted one too, and this is the result! Now if only I could count on my human children, when they get here, to play so nicely together and give me time for fiber dates with friends.... I should be so lucky!

Tonight is DH Kevin's night off, and, since we haven't really had any private time to celebrate my pregnancy (I had to tell him on the phone for heaven's sake, and then arrived home with my MOTHER!), he is making his *divine* salmon for dinner. Now if I can just nap, shower and be just medicated enough to enjoy it without being *too* out of it, all will be well with the world - as long as it *cools the heck down.*

At least we aren't our friend Salus - he flew to Houston to avoid being home when his house in the French Quarter flooded from Katrina. Yikes. Fingers crossed, my friend!

Advice needed...

My dear friend Barbara is having twins (lots of those in my life, eh?) and only has one Christening gown in good shape. There *is* another heirloom gown - 80+ yr old linen, but it has gone yellow. Any ideas for an heirloom safe whitener?

Thanks in advance!

Growing...

Today is Tra's twins' birthday, so HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY KIRA AND AMELIA!!!!!

I am bummed that I can't go to their party, but driving and narcotics are NOT a good combination. Ah well. Maybe I will work on Kira's quilt more today to celebrate!

Anyway, I thought I'd show you all my progress on my IS piece, just so you know that I really *am* working on *something*!

Right now though, I am busy conquering the world (CIV3, at least until my meds kick in - I love being the Sumerians! Then, back to work!

Question for you...

What do you all think about work that is 'about' something?

Not representational, not necessarily obvious, but which is brought out by a certain something in the artist's life...

Or not - something completely abstract and randomly generated - 100% open to interpretation, if you can get a handle on it to do so.

I'm thinking about my IS piece (the leaves are going great guns, btw) - it is definately 'about' something (something so personal, in fact, that I wonder if I can/should put a price tag on it), but I also really enjoyed just playing with the 'frames' in a very abstract sort of way.

Personally, I find it kind of hard to stick with a project that doesn't hold me emotionally, no matter how artistically interesting it is. Likewise, even a fairly boring traditional pattern (not that they all are, obviously) can really keep me motivated if I am doing it for someone special.

I *can* really stay with a piece that is technically new or interesting in some way, but I wonder how most folks manage their motivation on pieces that are going to be judged (not something I'm great about when it comes to personal expression) or for sale? Just curious...

Progress

This is a *terrible* picture of my IS piece - *finally* in the works.

The ground cloth (painted weeks ago) is grey - for the neutral ground of my life. Superimposed on it are black and white squares and rectangles reflecting the good and difficult parts of my life healthwise - big white relatively healthy childhood, black brain infection, white recovery and rediscovery, black infertility. I've also added a mottled blue disk for my pregnancy, and a solid blue one for my own birth - blue being the color of potential for me... I'm madly cutting leaves now, to show the vine of my own growth through these phases, and I'm going to add smaller blue disks growing out of the vines, showing my personal creations - groups, ideas, etc, that have taken on lives of their own, as I have, and hopefully as my children will....

I'm really excited that this starting to come together - not in time for the judged bit of IS, but in time to make me happy, and the narcotics I'm on for the OHSS easier to deal with. All good.
This is an idea I was playing around with - not for my IS piece, but as a possible idea for future exploration. I do plan to use the 'frames' in my IS piece - I'm going to lay them over the vines to frame select portions of my life (maybe with tulle in them - not sure yet), but obviously not so that they cover the mottle blue disk representing my growing bean! (Gotta love having a blog to document the transient idea in though - more accurate and accessible than my plethora of disorganized sketch books).

And, last but not least, what I have been working on most of this week in the 20 minutes of lucidity afforded me by huge quantitites of oxycodone - Kira's quilt. It is the twins' (Kira and Amelia) 1st birthday tomorrow, and I want to at least have it 'envisionalbe' for then so I can send a picture to their mom, my dear friend Tra. I bought the really cool mottled peach fabric, and dyed the other salmon one to correspond, and I am very happy with it so far. I am also enjoying the ease of piecing with a 1/4" foot. A first for me, and WOW is it easier! Talk about doing things the hard way - never again!!!!

My visit to the Dr yesterday means that I am NOT being admitted for treatment of my OHSS, since it seems to be resolving on its own. Hurray! I have ovaries the size of saucers, and a 4" cyst in one, and they are floating around in lots of extraneous fluid, but I can actually see my waist today, so I'm happy. He said that he was sorry that I was feeling 'yucky', but I responded that I am pretty used to feeling that way, and I don't mind it nearly so much when it is actually accomplishing something - like growing my baby!!!!!!

I have an ultrasound in two weeks to see how many beans are growing, and where they are, then they officially kick me over to obstetrics. I am VERY excited! I'm also finally sleeping better (since it no longer hurts to rotate or bend at the waist), which always helps.

BTW - the IS exhibit is shaping up to be *awesome* - the work that I've seen so far is very moving - both artisically and psychologically. I love being part of a community where we can really *share* all of this stuff and feel supported in it... Thanks for being such a gracious and compassionate audience!

Fall is in the air

Melody wrote about the signs of the arrival of fall in her life...

Personally, I love it.
Falling asleep to crickets and waking up to geese.
Having long, leisurely morning light in my studio at a more respectable hour.
Everyone back at school so I don't have to hear the dang blasted ice cream truck for much longer.
Everyone *else* back on a schedule, so no one calls wanting me to change/make plans at the drop of a pin.
Getting to snuggle up with a good book and my blankets and loveys and while away the afternoon.
Actually *enjoying* ironing, since it no longer makes the studio into a sauna.
Having my ice cream stay solid while I eat it.
New CSI episodes coming soon.
Dodging getting morning sickness in the heat by only a week or two - yipee!
Apple pie season is coming, and I will actually have time to bake some.
Most of my cold weather clothes are baggy, so I won't need to buy/borrow any new ones for most of my pregnancy.
It is getting cool enough to spin again! Yeah! (I don't know how sheep stand July.)

Not bad, eh? Yeah, I miss the warm breezes, and I only got swimming in the lake once this summer (pa the tic), but snuggling is a favorite pasttime of mine, so I'm not *really* complaining.

I am, however, wondering if I should try and work this fall. For the last two years (in theory) I have worked for an afterschool program at the local elementary - arts, sign language, homework help, etc. I took a medical leave last November that lasted the rest of the year. I figure that I *could* work this fall, and then take the Spring sememster off (bad weather, ungainly belly, and hopefully not bedrest), but I am wondering if I am ready/willing/able to teach this fall. It would only be about 5 hours a week, but it is just amazing how so few hours can really make you schedule one's whole life, and I'm sort of enjoying/needing to follow only the directions of my body right now.

We'll see. I'm in no shape to do it atm, and I have no idea how this whole pregnancy thing is going to work out, so I think I need to take it one day at a time - no commitments, except to my self, my child and my family! (As if that isn't enough already!)

Oh, for Potter's sake....

Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

*I* (bats eyelashes innocently) am supposed to be like those... hooligans!?!?!?

Yeah, ok. I may have gotten detention on occaision, but I would NEVER take advantage of my younger peers by testing Puking Pastilles and Nosebleed Nougat on them! Sheesh! I have scruples, darn it! The out-going, friendly bit, sure, but NOT their moral compass!!! Oi! I'm much more of a Hermione in that department.

Narcotics suck. I mean, they do a really good job on pain and all, but I'd really kind of like my brain back, please! At least my body seems to have decided that it doesn't need to send me an itching attack every time I take one now though, so thank heavens for small mercies!

I *should* be working on my IS piece, but it is in a fussy bit, and I don't trust my brain to get it right. Instead, I have been continuing to piece the first of the two quilts for the girls, and am even * more * pleased with the fabric that I dyed to coordinate than I was before assembly. These are going to look FABULOUS, and NO - that is not me oxycodone-goggling! Sheesh! Although I DO have to say that Phish Food frozen yogurt has never tasted so good, and that really IS saying something, so maybe I shouldn't get too excited yet.... Hm. Back to sleep for me.... Oh well. Enjoy, and thanks for all the well-wishing! You all are the BESTEST!!!

NO Partners in Clean this week

Want to hear my excuse? I'm sleeping every minute I can because I am itching too much to sleep. I am itching as a side effect of my narcotics. I am taking narcotics because my abdominal cavity is full of fluid and really #$# painful, something called ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS). I have OHSS because (insert drumroll here --->>> I'm pregnant! 4 weeks today, by all counts, and, thankfully, I managed to duck needing hospitalization for my OHSS. NOT how I wanted to start my pregnancy, but **at least I get to start it at all!!!**

Anyway, just wanted to share. I only got pictures of the garden this weekend in Western MA, but those can wait until tomorrow. Now I need to go sleep.

Enjoy!!!

+10000 steps a week

Yes, I know the idea is to walk a total of 10000 steps a DAY, but I am only counting the ones that are deliberately walk related. Since Sunday I have done 4280 additional steps, and that isn't even counting our Borders trip last night. Not bad for a start, but WOW am I out of shape. Between being pretty much housebound all winter, having a miscarriage in May, and then having my usually very active job fall through this summer, I haven't done much, and it *shows*.

I am wanting to be in better shape for pregnancy and childbirth, so I've started trying to rebuild strength and stamina - deep knee bends and getting out each day help! I even went by a Curves today, but a) the lady was really bitchy, b) I don't think that I could get up and down from a chair every thirty seconds for half an hour, let alone do anything in between, and c) did I mention that the lady was a bitch? I'm thinking that if I need to do something more formal, I'd be better off at a rehab gym. A longer drive, but adaptable to where my body is that day, and with staff that might actually know something about fibromyalgia and exercise during pregnancy. Meanwhile, I'm going to see if I can borrow my Mom's exercise bike again. I crank the resistance down *really* low and just go for movement, but it helps tons anyway.

Aside from my outings though, I haven't been spending much time in the studio - my abdomen is just too sore (hopefully implantation cramping!) to sit up for long - my computer time and bits of sewing and ironing here and there is about all I am managing this week.

And even if this week is sort of a bust in the studio, and even if I am in the worst shape of my life (I've been laid up worse, but not for so darned long before - basically since October 2004), I HAVE gotten lots accomplished on a personal level - my artistic work has made huge leaps and jumps out of bounds, and I have been doing lots of much-needed psychological processing. Not at all a wasted summer.

That said, my plans for fall are much more frugal - be/get pregnant, work on getting my house, my head and my body in shape, and hopefully do more art and teaching on the way. I'm happy with the progress that has been made so far, but there is always room for improvement!

BTW - I am spending the weekend in Western Mass with family, so I'll have lots of gorgeous pictures to share next week. Promise. Mea culpa that I forgot to take my camera to the lake for our walk today. Sorry!

Weird Quilt Wannabe

Ok, so this project has had way too many ideas thrown at it, and little execution that I actually liked. The finished idea isn't done yet, but also gonna-post-it-to-the-world interesting, so I didn't rush it. I *will* finish it, and post it here in obscurity, but that is it.

My dear friend Barbara is pregnant with fraternal twins, and just spent the weekend in the hospital bleeding with a possible partial placental abruption. She is only 20 weeks pregnant. Oi. 40 weeks doesn't honestly sound like that long a time, but WOW can lots go on during it. I get to find out if *I* in week four or not next weekend, and then whole new barrels of worry and excitement may come rolling in. Yippee! :\